Please shut up …and stop the whining

I’m sitting in front of my TV right now, watching a parent lament about her guilt for working so hard. The kids are complaining, the spouse is complaining and this woman is racked with guilt over having to work at the same time when her daughter wants both parents present at some school function. And I am thoroughly pissed at her conflict. Yes I am.

Honestly, I have always considered myself a practical person and I believe I have a valid point here. In life, everything, be it our life styles, careers, vacations, etc., has an opportunity cost – you simply cannot eat your cake and have it.

For everything we want or do, there is something that must be forfeited for it to happen and that is just the way the world works. You want to get ahead in a highly competitive career – you probably have to become ruthless at playing the game at work. You want to live the sophisticated life – you would have to work hard to achieve the wealth to make it happen.  It just is the way things are.

The one that didn't get away

 

 

 

The usual thing we hear are stories about the one that got away – that incredible person you loved but lost either through your own indecisions, lack of readiness to be fully committed or just plain error on your part (perhaps you cheated or just was nonchalant in the relationship).  But what I’m interested in talking about is that which we almost never hear about and that is the one that didn’t get away.

That thng he did for love ...and the crap that followed

 

 

One of my uncles was one of those guys who got the shorter end of the ‘fate stick’. He was a super nice man who just happened not to have fertile sperm so he could not make babies with his wife. After several years of waiting for a miracle to change things, he decided that his condition was a burden which his wife a woman he loved deeply, didn’t have to bear as well. With the advice of family members, he came clean to his wife about his situation and encouraged her to seek ‘help’ outside so they could have children of their own. Why they didn’t just adopt is beyond me but that’s how it went down.

Years and three children later, the wife is still enjoying extra marital relations with the father of her three children and has refused to give up the man.

Words of my late father and how they made sense to me

When my late father spoke of old age, it was always with a kind of trepidation. Always he would say he was not afraid of dying, he was just afraid of what he would die of; he was not afraid of getting old but he was afraid of what lay ahead in that time of his life – if he would have family members who cared enough to make sure he was taken care of or who would simply ignore his existence. Those statements never made sense to me for I was raised with a sense of responsibility towards my family so I could not imagine abandoning any of them even if they were an inconvenience. It was just not something that crossed my mind and I had never really noticed such around me.

 

A few weeks ago, I went to visit an old family friend and what i met in her home brought my father’s words back to me so vividly.

I almost left the country for international waters ...in a very unorthodox manner

 

For a long time, I was a very poor man, and for quite a while in those poverty ridden years, I was homeless. One night, very heavy rains came pouring down and for refuge, I rushed into one of the empty shipping containers in the dockyard where I had ducked into after hours of wandering around.

Hours later, I woke up to rumbling sounds and soon enough, it dawned on me that the container was moving.

No doubt I love my husband



image: lovethispic.com
 

After trying for so long to hold it in, nature forced its way out of me with a loud, wet brruuuuup. I winced, refusing to let myself feel the relief of finally being relieved as i began to cry at the thought of what awaited my beloved husband when he returned home later that night. The more I thought of it, the faster and heavier the sobs came and soon, it was full blown wailing.

“What is it?” His alarmed voice slammed me out of my wails and I blinked through the tears to see the concerned face of Ani, my husband, staring at me.

Shaking my head, I leaned away from him and wished, for perhaps the millionth time, that I had died in that accident.

Karma hands out punches to a friend who betrayed me

 

This may not be karma but can you blame me for telling the story like it is? Years into my marriage, I didn’t have a child and this was a major issue for my husband and his family. I was treated with utmost disdain which I could have managed if they didn’t also make sure to physically abuse me anytime they could not stand the sight of my barren face Many times, I was kicked, punched, had food thrown at ne and on a number of occasions, thrown out of the house. But I always came back because I had nowhere to go. My husband was not rich but my family was so much poorer and could not afford to take me back in. I was not pretty or very smart so chances of me finding another man was slim to none. My only solace was my long time girlfriend and confidante, , Licha, who gave me the safe haven to let it all out.  Sadly, this same solace became the source of an even darker nightmarish situation.

I got home one day to find Licha in my home with my husband. Thinking she was there to see me, I greeted her but she ignored me, coldly standing up and walking past.