I crapped on the side of a busy road while a good friend watched out

What a welder's workshop looks like (Not the actual welder's workshop)

“One night as I drove home after eating rice from a random fastfood place, my stomach took the decision to embarrass me; it rumbled fiercely but I refused to stop, driving faster and hoping whatever was going on in my tommy would stop – it didn’t. As I got very uncomfortable, I stopped the car by the side of the road and got down, clutching my stomach.

“All around me were massive gates enclosing big houses and we all know in this town (Lagos), no one trusts anyone so they are not going to open their gates for you to use the restroom. Luckily, I remembered I had a friend living in the area but I was not sure where exactly so I called him. He asked me to come over but I didn’t know my way, it was dark and just taking a step churned my bowels dangerously. I was afraid moving would push the poop out so I simply stood on one spot. By the time my friend got to me, it honestly felt like I was dying. Poop was pushing against my bowels, a little had started trickling out and I was freaking.

Quickly, my friend made the suggestion – ‘you have to poop here’. I shook my head but even that movement rattled my stomach and I moaned. My ‘sharp’ friend left me to recon the area. He came back and asked me to follow. Because I could hardly move without trickles coming out, I dragged my feet slowly behind him while passersby on the busy road wondered what we were up to (I think they were staring at me or maybe I was imagining it).

Two houses away was a welder’s yard filled with propped up iron gates against the fence which faced the road. There was a bit of space behind the iron gates and I slid in, pulled down my pants and did the deed. What a relief it was though I had to be very fast because people were moving around and any one could be one of the owners of the welding yard. I’ve not stopped thanking God for my friend that day. 

As for what happened the next day when the welders saw my deed in their yard, or possibly stepped on it – well, I don’t know. I just know those oversized gates of theirs served a real purpose for me – they saved my ass, literally.”