Please shut up …and stop the whining

I’m sitting in front of my TV right now, watching a parent lament about her guilt for working so hard. The kids are complaining, the spouse is complaining and this woman is racked with guilt over having to work at the same time when her daughter wants both parents present at some school function. And I am thoroughly pissed at her conflict. Yes I am.

Honestly, I have always considered myself a practical person and I believe I have a valid point here. In life, everything, be it our life styles, careers, vacations, etc., has an opportunity cost – you simply cannot eat your cake and have it.

For everything we want or do, there is something that must be forfeited for it to happen and that is just the way the world works. You want to get ahead in a highly competitive career – you probably have to become ruthless at playing the game at work. You want to live the sophisticated life – you would have to work hard to achieve the wealth to make it happen.  It just is the way things are.

The one that didn't get away

 

 

 

The usual thing we hear are stories about the one that got away – that incredible person you loved but lost either through your own indecisions, lack of readiness to be fully committed or just plain error on your part (perhaps you cheated or just was nonchalant in the relationship).  But what I’m interested in talking about is that which we almost never hear about and that is the one that didn’t get away.

Words of my late father and how they made sense to me

When my late father spoke of old age, it was always with a kind of trepidation. Always he would say he was not afraid of dying, he was just afraid of what he would die of; he was not afraid of getting old but he was afraid of what lay ahead in that time of his life – if he would have family members who cared enough to make sure he was taken care of or who would simply ignore his existence. Those statements never made sense to me for I was raised with a sense of responsibility towards my family so I could not imagine abandoning any of them even if they were an inconvenience. It was just not something that crossed my mind and I had never really noticed such around me.

 

A few weeks ago, I went to visit an old family friend and what i met in her home brought my father’s words back to me so vividly.

I love you …oh please!

Image: hdwallpaperstab.com

Anytime I hear that phrase, I can’t help but roll my eyes and purse my lips. It is hard not to considering the phrase, or is it a sentence, I love you’ is the most abused phrase in the entire English language. At least, this is my opinion. And why do I feel this way? Oh well…

Must we get naked for causes?

Image: lindaikeji.blogspot.com

Anytime I see these images of people getting naked for a cause, it makes me ponder because I’m yet to understand the point of it. How do these sexualized images help the cause?

This too shall pass …

image: savatra.blogSpot.com

As I read about the suicide of yet another person in the news, my heart broke especially as this person was someone I admired so much. What a waste!

I am one for introspection and in many of my journeys to self, I have sometimes wondered about suicide - the ‘what, why and how’ of it. Growing up in a third world country in a time without internet or a lot of foreign TV, I didn’t know anything about it except what I heard in church sometimes. In my religion, it was considered a sin to take one’s life though then, I used to wonder why. As long as the person took their own life, what did it matter to anyone else? Our lives are our personal business, was it not?

But in my older years now, I have come to differ with my younger self. Our lives may be our own but we owed many facets of it to the people around us – the people we love, the people who love us and even those we do not know but have the power to influence. In this digital age, every action we take has an impact that reaches far beyond our immediate community. The term ‘global village’ is really what it is – a literal description of the world we live in where someone coughs in one continent and halfway across the world, another catches a cold.  

Getting the Valentine Gift that’s perfect for you

                       

It is almost that sweet, and expensive, time of the year and many are dodging claims to friendship so as to minimise their expenses. At least, that’s the long running joke of this season.

The D- day is just around the corner and God bless the media for they have been promoting the season of love since the month began. Claims and counter claims are flying around in relationships as everyone is anticipating what the other will use as their weapon of love declaration. Bickering couples are calling a truce; strained relationships are struggling to make amends;

The Perfect New Year Resolution “The Least That I Can Do Is Care”

What do I love about this season? The feeling of God’s love and presence, the colours, shopping, the family togetherness, the laid back air and just the feeling of anticipation and hope that comes with the end of a year and the beginning of another. We think of all we didn’t achieve and wait with hearts thickly laced with hope that our lives will take a better turn in the New Year.

What I don’t love about this season? Making resolutions I can’t keep – Arrrrgggggghh…! I promise to save more; I will stop drinking; I will settle down with one girlfriend; I will quit being such a shrew; I will call my parents more; I will dedicate more time to God. With fervent hearts, we cross our fingers and pray to stay true to the promises we make this season but alas, most of us fail at this task.

Christmas on my mind … along with many other thoughts

I’ve always loved this time of the year – who doesn’t? Tis the season of joys and merriment and even the pessimists and ‘joy killers’ amongst us take time off to enjoy this period. Really, I love Christmas.

But this year, I find myself with mixed feelings – happiness, weariness, depression and many others I’m not sure I can name. I’m happy to be seeing yet another season of joy but somehow, I find my joy being dampened by the myriad of gloomy news that bombarded many of us this period – shocking and unexpected deaths of loved ones, increased hardship for many friends and family members, a sense of hopelessness over the state of the world and our strange ability to sink further into the erosion of our values or should I say our humanity?  When, if ever, will it end? I wonder. 

Scandals and jokes – A tale of two sexes

Hey guys,

I wrote this piece based on true events - stuff that happened to people I know. After these things happened, I just had to put my thoughts on paper. It really is a man’s world, whether we like it or not. Read the piece and find out why I think so.

Oooohhhh scandal! The office was abuzz with the latest and most delicious scandal yet – a married female supervisor had been harassed with allegations of ‘husband snatching’ by the wife of her younger and subordinate male staff. You could almost touch the excitement in the air as the gist was passed from table to table. People love a good story but when it’s spiced with juicy elements, it becomes the favoured dish of the day. There was a problem with the story though

Lessons to be learnt from loss and death

Hey guys, I wrote this piece for an online magazine sometime after the DANA crash. It was also before I experienced any major loss in my life. Now that has changed for me *sigh*. Anyway, I wanted you guys to read my thoughts before I experienced my own loss.

It’s always been said that you can never truly understand an emotion unless you have actually felt it yourself; you can never really get it unless you’ve been in it. I think I am one of the very few yet to experience the intensive emotions of the loss of someone very close to me but I am one of the many who have stood at the sides of people who experienced such loss. Such standing has made me realize a few things – the futility of it all as it is all vanity, that pain is not infectious, but more importantly, I’ve come to better understand that you have to experience it to truly know and understand it.

That statement held more truth to me recently when a few people I know lost their loved ones. As I cried alongside them, I saw something different between us – the wattage of the light in our eyes. While mine retained some shine in the midst of the tears, the eyes of the main victims of such loss showed such hopeless emptiness for their pain cut deep and dimmed their eyes. It is truly scary to watch the light fade in the eyes of someone in great pain.

Are you pursuing complete happiness……stop! You’re wasting your time.

When many are asked what they truly desire, they usually say ‘happiness’. I used to be happy to hear that answer for happiness is a very easy goal to achieve – or so I thought. Isn’t it simply about finding that which brings smiles to your face? Come on – how hard can it be?

When asked ‘What will bring happiness to you?’ the answers vary. From career success, friends and family, a life partner, a big house, a very cool car, trips around the world to fame and fortune, it’s different strokes for different folks.

But when asked the biggest question, ‘Are you happy in your fame, fortune, ton of friends, great family, good spouse, etc.?’, many of us quickly nod in the affirmative but after a few seconds, we find ourselves wondering if we’re really and truly happy. ‘Am I happy now I have the kind of spouse I always wanted? Am I happy now that this job/promotion is mine? Am I happy now I’ve written a bestseller? Is my life complete now I have all the money I want / need? Am I happy now I’m famous? Am I truly happy as I am? Hmmm…

Is your destiny predetermined?

Image: fatherlasthoughts.blogspot.com

There are times that we are forced to reluctantly wonder about destiny. We wonder – are we destined to be rich or poor, have kids or not, be this or that? Or else, why is it that some people work so hard all their lives and just never get the break they desperately need or want? Is it possible to count the number of people who do not live long enough to enjoy the fruits of their labour? I know someone like that – after struggling for almost fifteen years, he finally makes it in an honest way. Less than five years plus a wife and two kids later, he dies tragically from cardiac arrest…this guy was less than forty years old.

We all know the popular saying, ‘que sera sera’ – whatever will be, will be. If that is the case, then why should we bother with all the hustle and bustle? If our destinies are predetermined, is there any point to it all?

Want history to be kind to you? You’d better write your story!

Image: http://etc.usf.edu/clipart

"Many of us have dreams. Unfortunately, very few of us get anywhere to achieving those dreams; but even more unfortunate is that most of us never bother to try.

I am sad to admit that I am one of those people who never even bothered to try. I knew what I was good at but I could not imagine being good enough to be considered great. Besides, no one I knew had made it big so it was ridiculous to think I could. So, I quashed such thoughts and accepted that mediocre was my fate. "

I’m a virgin and people think it's ridiculous

Image: http://www.informationnigeria.org

“I’m not psychic but I can almost see the many disbelieving head shakes of people who believe no one under the age of twenty can possibly be a virgin. But I am and it’s not a fib.” 

Everyone loves a great story….the trials, the triumphs and all that happened in between. For the virgin, the story is a little bit different; it is a combination of some triumph laced with a trailer load of trials. Triumph in staying true to personal convictions but trials in being a card carrying member of a dying virtue.

A declaration of one’s virginity is met with barely repressed mirth, a ton of disbelief and summary dismissal of the virtues of staying pure until the ‘D’ day. Like many of the other values once held dear such as honesty, integrity and strong spirituality, virginity has been assigned scrap value and is no longer celebrated. In a world filled with fast forwards in trends and lifestyle, there is little appreciation for the virgins amongst us.

Can a woman have it all?

Former Cosmopolitan editor, Helen Gurley Brown, coined the famous phrase ‘having it all’. She died Aug. 13 2012

Is it possible for a woman to have a successful career and personal life at the same time? Can a woman have it all? Helen Gurney Brown believed so and while some called her a genius, there are those who think she sold an impossible dream to women for no one can have it all; something must suffer in the passionate pursuit of both personal and professional success.

Some of our classic modern day women, and a couple of guys, had something to say about this:

Snotty guide to your perfect man!

Ngo Okafor

Are you one of those who planned to fall in love with the tall, dark and handsome man? Or maybe your drug of choice is the athletic guy with a six pack, clean cut and dreamy eyes? Or do you prefer them light skinned, hazel eyed with a romantic smile that lights up his face only when you are around?

Wake up, girlfriend……….these guys mostly only exist in your dreams…..and mine. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule and Victoria Beckham is one of the exceptions who got this perfect man in real life – at least, it seems that way.

Can a mere friend break your heart?

When many speak of heartbreak, we automatically connect it to romantic relationships. It seems like friends never really manage to disappoint us enough for it to qualify as heartbreak.

The heart is very fragile and many have learnt to protect it by avoiding an open show of emotions that would betray what lies within. Personally, I don’t think that a show of emotions means one is weak; I just think that it makes one appear weak.

We don’t go through many romantic relationships in our lives – not as much as real friendships – so when we realize our friends’ capacity to hurt us in ways that break our hearts, some of us become even more protective of that strong, yet fragile, part of ourselves by going into denial.

I heard about hope and I learnt a lesson

Sometime ago, I listened to a guy preach about hope and how we easily lose it in the face of crisis or challenges. He also said that the cause of this easy loss is our lack of faith in a higher power – God.

Do you believe this? Well, I don’t. I think people lose hope not for lack of faith in God but for lack of faith in their worthiness of God’s love and mercy. When trials come our way, our human minds begin to wander and we think we deserve this bad luck because we are bad people. I admit I’ve done this a few times and it’s taken a while but I think I’ve overcome by learning a valuable lesson – good or bad happens to everyone and not necessarily because you have been so good or so bad.

The important thing is to remain focused on the real things – our faith in God and commitment to live a worthy life. So whether things are going well for you or not, whether your life is as you imagined it or not (really, whose is?), whether you keep striving and are yet to be rewarded with your desires, just keep the faith and never lose hope for to lose hope is to lose faith and to lose faith is to lose everything.