“I want a child desperately. I’m in my late thirties so it’s become a race against
time for me as far as I’m concerned. I dated this guy for a few years and
though I was tempted to take matters into my own hands and get pregnant, my
conscience would not let me go through with it because I knew he was not ready. My friends tried to convince me that my ‘likeness’ for him and
our long relationship made him the perfect sperm donor but like I said, my
conscience went ‘tick tock’ along with my biological clock anytime I thought of
dumping the contraception. So I didn’t.
However, recently, I’ve met (and don’t ask me
how) a few guys who are willing to help me with the process of getting
pregnant.
A couple of them have agreed that they would not get involved with
the baby if that’s my wish which would be since technically, there is no real
relationship between us. But ….
Knowing that every single day narrows my
chances and trying to decide if I should take this leap has been giving me
sleepless nights. Should I become intimate with them in the hopes of getting pregnant
and having the baby I desperately want? My heart and spirituality screams ’no’
but my heart and head says ‘yes, you know you want this’ I need help or some kind of push, or a sign, to make a decision."
43 comments:
Your other options is risky business both to the body and soul. Am all for violently taking one's destiny into one's hands but here, I advise you allow God control your situation. And am curious about how you met these volunteers. How did you broach the subject? Its mind boggling. I want to know pls.
Bullshit
Please let your boyfriend father your baby when you are ready whether he is aware or not. It is better and more decent that way. You talk about conscience, but you are ready to let a total stranger do it. Artificial insemination or through normal sex are the same for you. They will achieve the same purpose. After all you are not a virgin. You are very 'old' in sex.
Leave your conscience out of this. Let the man who has been sleeping with you father your baby. He knows the route into you. It is shocking that you want to sleep with 'strangers' who will know that they have a baby somewhere and will have nothing to do with it. Even a dog will do better than that. Unless they are lying to you so you can have the baby first. Your boy friend does not need to agree with that for now. Tomorrow(figuratively speaking) he will agree. It looks easy presently looking at sleeping with some handsome guy to get pregant and then have the baby, and the guy who is also the baby's daddy will just disappear or melt away just like that. It doesn't always work like that. Late complications can get messy. I know some similar cases I might share with the blog owner in a sometime. If I must nudge you, I will nudge you towards your boyfriend. To have a baby requires only fifty percent agreement even between happily married husband and wife. At the moment, you have that agreement.
I really wonder how you know these 'guys' who are ready to help. I refuse to believe they are strangers, perhaps friends of yours maybe casual? that is the only reasonable thing i can think of. Anyways, having a baby is serious business so you have to be careful who you have a baby with. Whether you are married to them or not, remember that they will be in your life forever. I heard sometime ago that the child of one of our most popular actresses in Nigeria was fathered by a guy turned armed robber. Whatever the case, your child's father will be in your life forever so better be sure he is someone you can tolerate forever, otherwise respect yourself and mind your life as it is before you get one rogue to father your child and become a permanent nuisance in your life. Or what kind of person, if not a rogue, will feel comfortable to help someone father a child without any attachment to the baby. Nooooo! I dont support this at all.
Hi Anon 9:01, so glad to hear you might have a story to share with all of us. Will be waiting to hear from you *smile* My email is chymobi2k@gmail.com and once you're ready to share the story with us, send me a mail and i'll buzz to get the info from you. Thanks for taking the time to make a comment ...Much thanks to all those who make comments.
Na wa o. So na so our society don dabaru reach. Any way sha if you no see man, I dey sha. I can make a good papa. Meanwhile this chic you fine? I wan know you.
Is this story true? I really wonder.
Please sleep?with any of the faceless guys and add one more bastard to our population. But remember in future this child may meet and marry a relation of the father without knowing.
anon 23:11, am with you. like we need one more 'b...d' especially a deliberate one, hmm. meanwhile, as for the probability of meeting and marrying a relative, well, that's no issue for me. that child will have to take those chances. after all, 'motherless babies' have been taking those chances since the beginning of time.
Yeah anon 0.12, motherless babies take those chances. Right. But have you asked yourself the reasons for having imbecile babies or not having at all when there seem nothing wrong. We are not talking about a motherless baby here we are talking about a baby whose mother took her time to conceive deliberately and train as a bastard. Providence will not forgive that.
Whatever chuld is borne this way is an innocent as far as am concerned. If providence wants to deal with anyone, it'll be the mum. Besides, why the hoopla anyway. What's the difference btw this lady who appears very capable to taking care of a child and really wants the child too, one who gets pregnant without plan? Either way, a baby enters the mix. Only difference is its route to thos world. Same difference
I believe you jare. Any child is innocent until it proves otherwise.
no one has asked the real question, who are the guys or like some comment said, rogues? lwkmd
Towing the lines of some comments about every child being innocent and not bound by the law of incest, then evry guy that can produce potent sperm is a guy and is good enough. Better still if the guy is handsome and a six-packer.
Towing the lines of some comments about every child being innocent and not bound by the law of incest, then evry guy that can produce potent sperm is a guy and is good enough. Better still if the guy is handsome and a six-packer.
very important observation-that about the guys, the story says a couple of guys. Will the two guys be trying at the same time with her?
anon 11:07, your point is not valid cos you cant compare an innocent child who has no say in its conception to a full grown man. which is why in cases of having sex with a minor, its the adult that's convicted even if the child did the chasing because the law uses the common sense approach which is the adult should know better and exercise wisdom. i dont support this lady's proposed option but good luck to whatever decision she makes. i hope she makes the right one which is living the life she's been given now and not tying to use funny means to change things. my two cents on this matter
Gbam to the question on the guys. Pls will the trials be happening the same time? Or one after the other? Na wa o! This baby search is a serious matter for this girl.I don't know if I should be angry with her for thinking this or feel sorry for the vacuum she obviously feels. Omatse o!
I dont know the degree of philosophy to espouse in this medium but it needs be said that what this girl is comtemplating is against religious and temporal norms. It should not be supported. Again she has to know that for every decision one takes there is a price. This one inclusive. Her position in life is not a tragedy, she put herself in it, and to compound it by sleeping around with a couple of guys for a baby will attract karmic effects. She is not a minor or being raped. So please please respect toutself and behave. We are not oyibo and will never be. Even them are trying to bring back the good old family values.
Anon 11.17. In my area, you cannot marry your 4th cousin, it is respected up to now, and we have well educated professors in all fields. There is a deep cultural and religious reason for this. So when having babies we should think about their future, incest either intende or unintended should be part of this consideration. Its a terrible thing what's happening these days, I hear that in some climes gay couples now adopt ans bring up children!
Anon 4:11n u hear that in some climes gay couples adopt kids? U av internet so obviously u av access to world wide info otherwise I'd wonder if u live on this planet or are an extraterrestial being. Am more in shock by ur comment than this girl's story.
hewu anon 1.04, am not a beento like you. I have access to internet where I read about good and ridiculous things alike including this blogsite. Being a realist I choose the ones to believe and consider as hearsay. Empiricism is my belief. Now you attack me instead of advising the girl in the story. You cannot give her good advice. I believe she came to this pass because shelistened to people like you innitially. Now she wants an unknown person to father her child and she is not a prostitute! Well I will enter the trench and now wait for you if the blo owner will allow us a slug.
anon 3:36, sorry o! i thought it was a strange thing to say ie hearing that in some places, gay people now adopt because its in our faces everytime especially with the many celebrities out there who are doing it. kpele, ndo. biko no vex. am tiny in stature and have a feeling that if we decide to slug it out, hmmm...my face will be rearranged.
and advise for my sister in this story: your life is as it is for a reason, remember God always has a plan and as you can see, most agree that doing this will be taking things too far and its wrong. so pls dont. it will be well with you IJN, Amen.
Look at you. Why did u apologise? Is this not internrt? Nothin mega jare! U wld av risen to the challenge to slug it out afterall its a matter of english and not whether you're a midget or nott. Am disappointed in you o!
Fool. yeah am a midget physically, but not morally bankrupt or intellectual midget like you. I did not apologise, and you did not disappoint me, you rose to the occasion like I expected wih your putrid and caustic language of a guttersnipe. This is fun. Cheerio.
Just hope I can learn some english here whether from olympian heights or the gutters. Let the slugging start.
Just hope I can learn some english here whether from olympian heights or the gutters. Let the slugging start.
Just hope I can learn some english here whether from olympian heights or the gutters. Let the slugging start.
Yes o. Intellectual slugging though by giants and midgets everybody. My sister we habe to leave to have this baby, while we do our thing here. Remember to make sure you sleep with an intellectual giant and not a midget. At least lets have an intelligent bastard!
Rule of engagement: No Obahiagbon english
Anon 10.16, why exclude obahiagbon vocab? We just read a story of a lady who wants a child of limitless, undefined and unknown paternity! So the vocabulary for this intellectual slugging should include words from oxford, hanson, longman, michael west, webster, chambers, 'obahiagbon' and thesaurus dictionary .
which one is obiahiagbon english again? hahhh!!! lol!! laughter @limitless undefined paternity. and all ye intellectual giants and mental midgets, please lets hear word abeg
i pity the girl in this story. sis, please forgive those that left the advice you're obviously asking them to give to have fun with nonsense arguments. just ignore them and listen to me. do not try this thing you want to do. i beg you. let your child have a father you are sure of
Please do not have this baby until you marry a guy in the proper native and religious way. Let no one push or advise you into sin. If your eye will cause you to sin please gouge it out and throw into the fire. so says the holy book. If your desire to have a baby out of wedlock will cause you to go to hell fire, please cut out that desire by praying and meditating always. Good luck.
Anon 14:52, just read your sloppy religious bullshit and sleep left my eyes. Please do not listen to that bull, there is no hell fire anywhere, I can tell you because I am a free thinker. Go ahead and have a baby the best way you deem fit and live your life.
Devilish anon 14:59, the anti-Christ is here. Please its not religious bulshit. Our sister should do the right thing before having a baby.
Girlfriend, the choice is yours! but if I must add, since you do not have qualms about raising the child alone, having your 'boyfriend' as the sperm donor is a more logical option than having a faceless father!
Just do it.motherhood is the best gift for every woman
All ye moralists and immoralists, e don do.
Don't do it please, this type of motherhood is not a blessing but a curse.
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