“Through my four years at the university, I had
one boyfriend, Ade (not real name). He was crazy about me and I loved him just
as much. We talked about getting married but I was ready to settle down long
before him. I begged but he would not marry me. He said that he wanted to make
some money before getting married because he wanted to be able to take care of
me. I waited but there was a limit to how long I could wait so I got married to
someone else while Ade left for Europe.
Years and two kids later, Ade contacted me. He
was in town and wanted to catch up. He came to my office after work and we went
for drinks. What was to be a few minutes of playing ‘catch up’ turned to hours.”
I got home very late but told my husband that I’d
been held up at work which was not unusual. Ade started coming around every day
while he was in the country and we would spend time together. He lavished me
with attention and gifts, even buying me a new car when I told him that I was
saving up to buy one. Because I worked and did stuff for myself, my husband didn’t
suspect a thing. Ade spent two months in the country but after he left, he still
called me all the time and sent money and gifts. We also exchanged very
passionate emails about our intimate experiences with each other and all we
hoped to do whenever we got the chance. This went on for about a year and in
between, he came home to Nigeria to visit me; just me because he never visited
his family.
The next year, I got pregnant – for my
husband. Like before, I travelled to the US to have the baby. I’d told Ade my
plans so he came to the US to see me. Of course, he came to see me only when my
hosts were out of the house and when I had my baby, he bought me so much stuff.
I was scared to accept them so I got him to return it all and give me the cash.
Ade proposed that period and wanted me to leave my husband for him. At first, I
was overwhelmed by his attentions and just wanted to be with him, but when he proposed,
I freaked out. I was married with two older kids and a new baby. What was I thinking?
For the three months I stayed in the US, he came to see me four times from his
base in Europe. He started pressuring me to commit to him and I didn’t know
what to do. I wanted to be with him but my God, what would people think? My
husband is a good man so I didn’t have any reason at all to be thinking this –
but I was thinking it.
When I returned back to Nigeria, I started
looking at my husband in a funny way. I hoped something would happen that would
help me make the decision I wanted – to be with Ade, but nothing happened. My
husband was the same nice guy he was and it didn’t seem like he would change
anytime soon. I was stuck. Meanwhile, Ade was still calling me about a
decision.
One day, I got home from work to find my
laptop open on the dining table and my husband, hunched over. I touched his
shoulder to ask what the matter was and he got up and pushed me violently. Surprised,
I wanted to ask what the shove was about when my eyes went to the computer
screen. One of the mails between Ade and I was open. This meant my husband had
gone through the folder where I’d saved mails I wanted to keep. I tried to
speak but nothing came out. I didn’t know what to say for the evidence was too
damning. I even had the mail where I’d
thanked him for funding my car. My face crumpled and I began to cry and beg my husband.
I didn’t even realise I was on my knees until he kicked me – maybe deliberately
or by accident, I don’t know.
I was blacklisted by my husband’s family but I
would not give up. Ade begged me for months to marry him but I would not. I cut
him off and refused his pleas to see me. I focused my energies on begging my
husband’s forgiveness but he would not take me back. Ade begged me too but I didn’t
even consider his pleas - I needed to be realistic and for me, that meant
making sure my kids were not tainted by my indiscretions.
It took six years but I’m back with my husband
who decided to give me another chance. But, things are not the same. We’ve been
back together as a family for two years but I still catch him watching me with
a closed look; it’s impossible to tell what’s behind his eyes. Our sex life is
almost non-existent and we can hardly be called friends. It’s a strange
relationship but one which I’m willing to stay in. I am ready to live with the
consequences of my actions.”
9 comments:
Ade or no Ade I believe you husband should forgive you, afterall by your account Ade never went to the 'moon' while your indiscetion lasted.
I somehow think Ade went there but she didn't say. I mean, he came to see her a few times in Nigeria without visiting his family as well. Is it possible he did that without them hooking up? I doubt it. And those passionate love letters? Something went down and it was something serious. And you know what they say about women, thei affairs are of the heart which makes it more serious. AAnyway, I hope he forgives her fully at some point gthough I doubt it. he'll never forget. It's hard
Personally, I doubt if he can ever trust her again even if he can forgive her. And she obviously holds this Ade somewhere special in her heart. So unless a miracle happens, I see them spending the rest of their lives as housemates with children.
Guy you sound very hurt about this and you seem so sure they 'did it'. Is this Ade your wife. The man should forgive afterall as I suspect he is not coming to this 'equity' with clean hands. The only concern here is that people like Ade's husband end up chasing other people's wives. A conundrum you might say.
Experience has shown that " you can't eat your cake and have it too''.you can't be married and expect to keep a clean relationship with an ex.aside cheating ,she also lied about the car.how are we sure the baby us truly her husbands.
Anyways,he is a good man that's why he took her back,at least a mother to take care of the kids,but the husband and wife relationship can never be the same again....there's a limit a partner can take.the woman overstepped that boundary.she made her bed of thorns,she MUST LIE ON IT!!!
To err is human, but to forgive is divine...a mistake was made by the wife, lets not be too quick to judge, it can happen to any of us if we are not conscious of the serpent. The husband has not really forgiven her and dats why their sexual relationship is almost non existent. We all know that the sexual & spiritual life of a couple is the spark that keeps it going. The wife should be persistent in prayer and try to get as close as possible to the husband as she can, even if she has to beg him for sex weekly! he will surely thaw totally one day... its hard to forgive we know, but what of cases where its the reverse? and the husband is the cheat? the wives still forgive and take them back whole heartedly dont they??
Your comments are oh so wise, my friend. What if its the reverse? The world will tell the woman to bear it, forgive and move on. No one is beyond mistakes, man or woman. If there is evidence of remorse, then I support forgiveness. I'm glad she came to her senses and stuck to her marriage. God will help her achieve he goal of a peaceful and loving marriage eventually
this story is fake... which nigerian man will be begging a woman who has 2kids and just gave birth to marry him,...hissssssss story!
Ade, abi? Not surprised! Typical of Yoruba men to try to date married Igbo women! It's probably a gene thing but Igbo men are gradually copping on; learning from the masters! On the other hand, those that call for the woman to be forgiven, because she did not go 'all the way', should realize that infidelity is a ground for divorce and it's definition is not limited to extramarital sex!
However, we should remember that when Jesus was asked by Peter, how many times we should forgive our brother that sins against us; His reply, 7x77 times! Mathew 18v22.
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