My mum’s HIV positive because she took my dad back

 

“I may have been about six years old but I still remember my mum’s crying and pleading as my father left us. I remember trailing behind her, crying along as we tried to hold on to him. He was leaving us for another woman and was coldly packing a lot of our stuff along with him – the TV, radio and the sofas. He left the beds and little else. Yes, I still remember that day and the days, months and years after when we didn’t hear from him and my mum struggled to take care of three young children on her own.

 

We managed to survive the dark periods. My mum cooked and cleaned for others until she got a little money to start a trade. Her family also supported and helped us out as much as they could – they were not rich but they were compassionate and their kindness went a long way to ease the pain and confusion.

 

Almost ten years after my dad left and less than a year ago, I came home from school to meet my mum waiting.  My other siblings were there and it was obvious they’d been waiting for me to come back from school. My mum cautiously explained that my father, who’d left us all those years ago, wanted to come back and be a family again.  Patiently, I listened to her and when she was done, I shook my head vehemently, refusing to agree to her request that we welcome him back and treat him with respect. How could I? This was a man I’d not seen since the day he left; a man who’d not bothered with us so why should we bother with him. My mum pleaded and said she’d given the matter a lot of thought and as Christians, we needed to forgive and forget the past.  It took weeks but I came around reluctantly and my father moved back in.

 

He looked haggard and frail and I avoided him all the time. He might have come back but it didn’t mean we had to be in each other’s faces. We noticed that my dad was always sick and after all kinds of treatments that gave short periods of relief, tests were run on him and it came back – he was HIV positive and had been for a while.

 

All the confusion and pain of the past returned as we struggled to understand. We began asking questions and discovered that the woman he’d left our family for had died of AIDS related complications. He knew he was sick and was still heartless enough to bring his disease to our home and my mum’s life - a lifetime later. My mum quickly got tested and she came back positive – we were devastated.

 

My dad is dead now because he didn’t have the resources to help himself and I would not let my mum help him with the very little we have. Now, my mum is on a cocktail of drugs as we struggle every day with the consequences of my father’s betrayal and our pain. In her low moments, my mum says she always knew my father would be the death of her – she just never knew it would be literally.”