My hilarious and interesting ‘Molue’ experience

“Molue buses creep me out but unfortunately, I was one of those who had a close relative who lived very far and on a route that had practically only Molue buses plying it. This meant that anytime I wanted to see her, I had no choice but to enter a rickety Molue. It was not any fun.

After one of those visits, I entered Molue to go home. For anyone who knows these buses, there’s always a lot of activity going on – from the drug peddlers who stand up to sell drugs that can cure anything to the ‘religious’ who insist on preaching in loud voices to the entire bus; there’s also the many individuals without seats - 'the standers' - who stand in the middle of the bus, crushing themselves and others as they dizzy around anytime the bus makes unexpected moves. Well, on that fateful evening in the bus, I witnessed my highest number of in-house and funny altercations.

The first fight was between a man and woman standing in the jam-packed aisle of the bus. We were cruising along when a loud, pained moan came from the crowd of ‘standers’. I looked to see a man bent over, swearing and cursing; and the woman in front of him was cursing right back. We were still wondering what the problem was when she screamed that if he came near her again, she would disfigure his shameless penis. People burst out in shocked laughter and without anyone asking, the woman started shouting an explanation on how the man was pressing a hard-on against her back under the guise of being shoved around by the movements of the rickety bus and crowded space. All around, comments started flying as people cracked lewd and insulting jokes at the shameless man while others chastised him.

Few minutes after this died down, a drug peddler stood up to sell. Before he could say much, one man shouted him down angrily, claiming that he’d patronized the guy once before and his drugs were a sham. Another bitter argument ensued and ohhhhh…I knocked my head in annoyance against the window before realizing that wasn’t the best of ideas for who knew when the window was last cleaned – another century maybe.

Like this argument would be the last one? Of course not. An argument ensued between the conductor and a passenger who claimed not to have enough money to pay the fare. I remember when the conductor got to the guy to collect the fare but the guy had quietly raised a finger, asking him to come back later for the money. This happened often in these buses and the ‘smart con’ passengers knew there was a possibility that the conductor would not remember to come back to them because of the crowd so they would get off without paying. Well, not this conductor. When the passenger got to his bus stop, the conductor stopped him at the door and asked for his fare. At first, the guy claimed to have paid but when a few other passengers backed the conductor, he relented and said he didn’t have any money. And all this was said in a nonchalant tone. The conductor, probably pissed at the guys’ attitude, refused to let him go and they began to fight. There were divided emotions in the bus – some supported the conductor and insisted that the passenger had a bad attitude for a beggar so must pay and some supported the passenger and asked the conductor to show mercy to a poor man. While all this was happening, we were still parked at the bus stop and a few frustrated passengers got off to join other buses in annoyance. The conductor refused to budge and when the man would not pay or even beg to be let off, the conductor asked the driver to move on and he did.

The man began to scream that he must be let off and started shoving the conductor around. The conductor, a lanky guy, warned him that he would beat him to a pulp if he didn’t stop but the guy wouldn’t. This continued until about three bus stops later when the guy realized the conductor would not let him go. He went to the seat behind the driver and pushed his hand through the segregation mesh, furiously beating the driver’s head and asking him to stop. In those Molue buses, altercations and fights are a norm so the drivers are usually cordoned off with a mesh like material to ensure they don’t get involved in those fights. As the guy pushed at the driver’s head through the mesh, other passengers began to shout that he should stop doing so as it endangered the rest of us but the dumb guy would not listen.

Abruptly, our bus stopped and not at a bus stop. I looked around and recognized the area which was two bus stops from mine. I was relieved that my stay in the crazy bus was almost over. The driver opened his door and everyone started asking if something was wrong with the bus. The driver came round to the front door of the bus and pulled off his muscle tee shirt to expose huge bulging muscles matching his well shaved head. We were all still confused. The next thing …bang!!!on the side of the bus and he bellowed…  ‘come down now. I say come down now’ to the guy who was shoving him. Some guys jumped up and warned the guy …’don’t go down. This man will kill you’. You could see the frightened look on the guy’s face and who could blame him; his thighs were smaller than the driver’s arm. As the driver banged the bus, the conductor, from behind, tried to push out the guy through the door but the poor guy, who realized his mistake at tackling the driver, pulled back with all his might to remain in the bus. Some annoyed passengers encouraged the conductor as they chastised the man … ‘go down now. You’ve wanted to go down since abi? Go down now.’ But the poor man paid no heed to them.

By this time, I was reeling in both laughter and serious annoyance. I hated these buses and could not wait for when my sister would move and end my one reason for entering them still.  Giving up, I just got down and decided to trek the last two bus stops home. I passed by the heavily muscled driver who looked crazed and shook my head as I looked up at the dumb guy who was still fighting with all his might  not to be pushed off the bus. Oh lord! I just walked away. And though this happened about seventeen years ago, I wonder, sometimes, how it ended for that dumb guy. Not good, I'm sure. Lol!