“Just like everyone else, when I got married, I
was relieved because I believed that my
lonely times were over. Finally, I had someone to share my life with - my joys, worries …all of it. It felt good …until
I came to my senses.
My marriage has been a good one but it’s also
been a weird one. In many ways, I have had my partner’s support and it’s been
comforting. But strangely, in some ways, I have also felt my partner’s distance
– the unwillingness to partner with me, to share some of my pains or even some
of my triumphs, the distance kept especially in the times I’ve needed him most,
the subtle, yet strong, refusal to fully partner with me in the things that
mattered to me.
It is hard to explain really but it is there. I
would get anxious about doing something and he would simply walk away, making
no effort to share my concerns or reassure me. I would have challenges in my
relationship with someone and he would be so obviously silent on the matter,
not offering support or condemnation in any way. Something good would happen to
me and I would be so happy only to meet his indifference. But in other
ways, he would be so supportive, helping me out anytime I asked and just being
good to me, our kids, my family. It was a strange relationship and I never
really know what to expect from him so I’ve learnt to keep much to myself just
to avoid the pain of an unexpected and undesired reaction.
After many years, I have
come to realize however, that we are all truly alone after all. The cliché is
true – you, and only you, are the only person you can always count on …and even
sometimes, you may disappoint yourself. I guess this means it’s unfair to
expect someone to meet all your needs. I hope I make sense and don't sound crazy. "
4 comments:
You just realised this? i realised it a looooonnnnggg time ago
Funny story, sounds like my own experience with my own partner. You have not thought about anything you are doing wrong for him to be blowing hot and cold.
Anon 15.38, you have a point. My wife looks down on my opinion. She will rather take the opinion of her friends. So when she brings up any project I am a bit wary about contributing, because she will probably heap scorn on my idea. Sometimes she makes me wonder if I should see a psychologist to beef up my ego. I wonder whether she feels as bad as this blogger.
All human and probably animal relationships have their ups and downs so I don't particularly see the big deal with yours. There will be good days and bad days. As long as the good is more, then you are on solid ground. Yours doesn't sound bad at all. You should see some people's relationships. Its as if they are starring in their own horror show. Lol
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