A confession of small faith and big regrets

A priest told a story that touched me deeply and I just have to share it here:

A priest spoke about an experience he had while he was stationed in Germany. He knew this very young couple and they were pregnant with triplets. All seemed to be going well until two weeks to the delivery date when complications arose and an emergency delivery was done. Sadly, all the babies died.

While still at the hospital, the girl’s husband called and asked him to come over, explaining that the wife would not let go of the babies. She believed that God could raise her babies from the dead if the priest came and prayed and had said that she would only let go if the priest confirmed they were truly dead. The very young priest said he got anxious and worried; he thought to himself, ‘But I’m not Jesus and I don’t have the power in me to raise the dead to life’. He spent a long time at the chapel, praying for a way to deal with the situation but no answer seemed to come.

A few hours later, the husband called him back, asking if he was on his way because the wife would still not let go of their dead triplets. He also said that friends and relatives had come to the hospital to sympathize with them so there was quite a crowd. This information made the priest even more anxious and he decided not to go to the hospital at all, fearful that his failure to raise the babies from the dead would shame him, his faith and his church. His fear held him back and not long after, the young mother was sedated and the babies were buried.

For a long time, he sought the forgiveness of the young woman but to this day, she has never forgiven him and that incident remains a heavy burden in his heart. He said his biggest regret is his lack of faith at a very critical moment in his life and the life of the young woman. He should have conquered his fear and gone to her side for even if he was unable to raise the babies from the dead, his presence and words might have been the reassuring source of God’s comfort which she needed at such a very sad and bewildering moment. He said it was probably all the young girl was seeking then – someone to help her make sense of her loss and give her reasons, in line with her faith, on why she had to let go and let God.

As the priest spoke, his voice shook and his sorrow was still obviously there. He said he’d made his confessions to God about the whole thing and he’s also made public confessions to congregations about it. He said even though it happened a long time ago, that incident still elicited tears in him. He gave his reasons for telling the story which I won’t bother telling here but overall, he made all understand that even the supposedly best of us are still vulnerable to weak moments so an unquestioning belief in God’s abilities, no matter the seeming impossibility of the circumstances, were important ingredients to live successful Christian lives.

He also lightly asked us not to judge him too harshly for that weak moment as it was one he would never forget and his prayer everyday was that he would always have God’s grace to count on so as to never fall prey to his human weaknesses.

The emotions behind the words were heartbreaking. I wondered about that young couple and how their faith in God was doing since then especially since the priest seemed to remain affected by the incident. I said a prayer for them all. For me, the lesson in the story was that we are all vulnerable - even the supposedly 'anointed' among us.