Shielding my truth from my friend was required – now, she refuses to speak to me

 

 

It took over ten agonizing years to finally get my heart’s desire; ten years of searching for solutions from many doctors, prayers and vigils at all sorts of churches, fielding uncomfortable questions from our families, enduring the pitying looks of those around us – the list is endless. It took a little over ten years but one very ordinary morning, we finally heard the words – ‘you are pregnant’; we were ecstatic.

I wanted to share the news with everyone, especially my best friend, Marsha, but then, another close friend of mine, Gina, warned me not to.

 

You know how you have friends for different reasons – well, Tee was that friend who always had an abundance of suggestions on how my pregnancy problems could be solved. She took me to all the prayer houses, advised me on home remedies and recommended good doctors. So when she said I had to keep my pregnancy a secret until the later part of my second trimester, even from my closest friends including Marsha, as she believed some of them could be behind my past infertility, I agreed albeit reluctantly. I wasn’t as superstitious as she was but then, I didn’t want to take any chances in case she was right.

Fearing I would let something slip, I cut down on time spent with friends especially Marsha with whom I discussed everything including my fertility woes. When my stomach started to show, I stopped seeing her completely. Many times, she called me, even came to my home, but I would stay unavailable for one reason or the other and soon, I ran out of good reasons and began to give stupid reasons. Four times she asked if something was wrong and I dismissed her questions. When we finally saw, with Tee’s approval, I was almost six months pregnant. The look on Marsha’s face when her eyes found my protruding tommy actually broke my heart. She smiled but I could see the strain behind the curve of her lips. She mumbled some congratulatory words and quickly walked away.

 

 

Several times I have called her, several more times, I have gone to her home and store but either she doesn’t see me or she treats me like an acquaintance. I have brought up the topic of my pregnancy to try to explain myself but she refuses to discuss it. Now, I have had my baby and she’s yet to come see me – six months after. At this point, I’m honestly beginning to think our friendship is over. I regret not telling her as its clear how hurt she is – I would be very hurt too; I just wish I knew how to repair the damage because I miss my friend.