No doubt I love my husband



image: lovethispic.com
 

After trying for so long to hold it in, nature forced its way out of me with a loud, wet brruuuuup. I winced, refusing to let myself feel the relief of finally being relieved as i began to cry at the thought of what awaited my beloved husband when he returned home later that night. The more I thought of it, the faster and heavier the sobs came and soon, it was full blown wailing.

“What is it?” His alarmed voice slammed me out of my wails and I blinked through the tears to see the concerned face of Ani, my husband, staring at me.

Shaking my head, I leaned away from him and wished, for perhaps the millionth time, that I had died in that accident.

Losing functionality in my lower limbs was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my thirty nine years and I just didn’t see how I would cope as a dependent for the rest of my life.

“What is it?” Ani asked again.

I moaned and shook my head fiercely.

Pulling me close, the slight movement revealed the source of my pain and I closed my eyes tightly for I could not bear to see the look that would cross his face.

Without a word, he lifted me up and onto the wheelchair beside my bed, kicked his bag aside, removed his shirt, grabbed some cloth and began to clean my poop.

My tears began to flow again as I watched my husband clean up after me.

I began to speak, voice hoarse and lined with intense pain. “I’ve been holding it in for so long, I didn’t even eat much because I didn’t want to feel pressed before you got home.”

He looked up, “You practically have running stomach, Cheta. How do you think you can hold it in?” His eyes went to my food, mostly untouched on the table and he sighed. “Is that why you didn’t eat well? So you don’t have to use the toilet?”

“I don’t want you to have to ….”

He explained that whether we liked it or not, this was our life right now and he was learning to accept it so needed me to work at accepting it too. He said he knew things would get better because I would get stronger with therapy and then be able to help myself with stuff like this. He said it was not the end of the world as millions of people lived good lives with physical challenges and that it was a bit hard now because it was still new.  

After he was done and I was fresh and clean again, he sat beside me, took my hand and said, “No one wants to be dependent on another and I get why you feel this way but I’m the one doing the work and I’m not complaining so you have to trust that I am okay with this. For better or worse, right?”

“Right.” I whispered back.

He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “I love you and honestly, I am learning the truth about how much I do love you and it is a lot more than I even imagined. I hope you feel the same way about me.”

I hugged him tight. Even if I ever doubted, I was certain now. I love my husband.