When my late father spoke of old age,
it was always with a kind of trepidation. Always he would say he was not afraid
of dying, he was just afraid of what he would die of; he was not afraid of
getting old but he was afraid of what lay ahead in that time of his life – if
he would have family members who cared enough to make sure he was taken care of
or who would simply ignore his existence. Those statements never made sense to
me for I was raised with a sense of responsibility towards my family so I could
not imagine abandoning any of them even if they were an inconvenience. It was
just not something that crossed my mind and I had never really noticed such
around me.
I was not particularly close to this woman but felt obligated to go
and see her since for the first time in years, I happened to be in the same
area where she stayed. Her joy upon seeing me temporarily pushed back my
surprise at seeing a once robust woman looking like a badly fed shadow of her
former self.
When I asked about her children, she
shook her head sadly and so, began a tale of woe which reminded me of my dearly
departed father’s words. She spoke of being alone all the time and how her
children who lived in the same city never ever came to visit. She said she was
left to fend for herself and would go hungry many times because she didn’t have
the money, and sometimes the energy to prepare a meal. She said she had complained
once but got her heart broken even more when it generated a major rift amongst
her children as they argued on whom would be responsible for welfare. No one
wanted her living with them because no one wanted the inconvenience of having
to take care of her. She was sickly with badly swollen legs beneath a body that
was merely thin flesh covering fragile bones.
She explained that for years, she lived
with her second son’s wife because that son of hers was hustling somewhere
abroad. She was back by herself because the girl had to go and tend to her sick
mother in another state. Several calls and entreaties to her children to come
and take her while the girl was away fell on deaf ears as everyone seemed
afraid that anyone who agreed to look after her while the girl was away would
be stuck with her. In the end, as they could not agree, she has been left alone
to fend for herself – a woman who could barely walk or even stand.
I was shocked and then, I understood. My
father’s words made sense after all. I was just happy to know my parents were
well cared for until the end and I pray that it would be the same for those of
us who do the right thing.
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