Words of my late father and how they made sense to me

When my late father spoke of old age, it was always with a kind of trepidation. Always he would say he was not afraid of dying, he was just afraid of what he would die of; he was not afraid of getting old but he was afraid of what lay ahead in that time of his life – if he would have family members who cared enough to make sure he was taken care of or who would simply ignore his existence. Those statements never made sense to me for I was raised with a sense of responsibility towards my family so I could not imagine abandoning any of them even if they were an inconvenience. It was just not something that crossed my mind and I had never really noticed such around me.

 

A few weeks ago, I went to visit an old family friend and what i met in her home brought my father’s words back to me so vividly.

 I was not particularly close to this woman but felt obligated to go and see her since for the first time in years, I happened to be in the same area where she stayed. Her joy upon seeing me temporarily pushed back my surprise at seeing a once robust woman looking like a badly fed shadow of her former self.

When I asked about her children, she shook her head sadly and so, began a tale of woe which reminded me of my dearly departed father’s words. She spoke of being alone all the time and how her children who lived in the same city never ever came to visit. She said she was left to fend for herself and would go hungry many times because she didn’t have the money, and sometimes the energy to prepare a meal. She said she had complained once but got her heart broken even more when it generated a major rift amongst her children as they argued on whom would be responsible for welfare. No one wanted her living with them because no one wanted the inconvenience of having to take care of her. She was sickly with badly swollen legs beneath a body that was merely thin flesh covering fragile bones.

She explained that for years, she lived with her second son’s wife because that son of hers was hustling somewhere abroad. She was back by herself because the girl had to go and tend to her sick mother in another state. Several calls and entreaties to her children to come and take her while the girl was away fell on deaf ears as everyone seemed afraid that anyone who agreed to look after her while the girl was away would be stuck with her. In the end, as they could not agree, she has been left alone to fend for herself – a woman who could barely walk or even stand.

I was shocked and then, I understood. My father’s words made sense after all. I was just happy to know my parents were well cared for until the end and I pray that it would be the same for those of us who do the right thing.